Hi, hey, yo be all.

I know you all had a wonderful summer/autumn/fall/winter break and it's time again to reflect on why we're here...

Not the existential here (you're here for whatever reason, I get it), but the 'you're meant to be elsewhere, with other things' here. Why you've landed on this particular server hosting this page, on your computer while you have a really hot drink in hand.

Like tea. Or coffee... Actually, probably not both (because for your information, the combo is downright disgusting... without sugar).

Anyway, posting like this is almost like a luxury now. I don't always get the time to do it, and when I do it, I go overboard on the whole SS Keep a Blog Up To Date ship.

"This isn't even well edited!" - And what blog is? Rephrase that, what amateur, no particular focus, random thoughts blog is?

That's right.

Before it gets too out of hand, I should say I feel like discussing two things.

First of all, how the little voices within your head are completely oblivious and are probably not the best sources of self-growth, and the title point: Why I think that procrastination, like onions, ogres, cakes and parfaits, has layers.


Now the mentally stable lot of those lurking around this page have probably no idea of what the tiny, supposedly 'self-aware' voices are in your conscious mind, but I think I have a good example:

Imagine for a second (figuratively, not literally a second), that you are suddenly endowed with a set of young children who share your current knowledge and senses. And above all, the defining characteristic about each of them is that they all find the absolute best ways to distract you or annoy you to extremes. They are free to disappear when they please, and appear just as comfortably.

Now picture one that isn't too keen on being socially active. Or maybe they are, but they don't really understand some of the subtleties of it all. In some situations such as sitting at a cafe, happily sipping your morning latte/tea, this little one will be incredibly talkative.

It brings such insightful thoughts such as, "Oh, I wonder how that couple over there manages to stay together after one of them is kind of embarassing the other in public," and, "How does [insert male group] stay in contact with [insert female group]?"

I often feel like I'm parenting a small child of a million questions, without one actually being physically present. So you get all the mental exercise of countless questions being asked without the benefits of physical company.

It's impossible to answer this voice and all of its queries, so often the better tactic is just to ignore it and go on with your daily life.

With that said, it's not much of a source of learning either. While it questions everything and anything to do with social interactions, it doesn't seem to learn how to learn the very things it is curious about.
It's repetitive with some of the questions it raises, though it does not evolve or change when it does get answered.

Therefore, since growing up and developing your inner self relies on change over time, one of the worst sources of evolutionary advice you could have is that little, socially awkward voice.
It's like a 'broken record', if records were still used in this day and age.
And as we know in this ever changing society, if you don't evolve, you get left behind.


Main topic: Procrastination has layers...

It's probably no big secret that I have a problem with procrastination. Not that I do it because I like doing it, or that it makes it seem like I have eternal holidays (I really don't), but that it's the one thing left in the day that complements how ever many tangents I would usually go on. (For any new readers, a good measure of the tangents would be the intro to this post).

Though, procrastination in itself, I would define as 'the art of delaying things and/or wasting time'.
It really is an art form in a way. A way of expressing how much you really don't want to do something.

I know there's a saying where (heavily paraphrased), 'if you learn things, it's not wasting time', but what if you're wasting time for the sake of wasting time?

Think of some scenarios where you're bored of your original task, so you fire up YouTube, social media and or reddit, then comes time where you go on a few clicking sprees (Wikipedia, and other link heavy article based sites, I'm looking at you), and then you're back at where you started your loop.

Here's the pivotal point: Do you continue looking for further procrastination, or do you get bored of what you're doing and go back to doing work?

Or maybe, you're browsing the internet (procrastinating), and decide to play a game of some sorts (procrastinating from procrastinating). Do you end up playing that game (making a procrastination layer/stack), or do you procrastinate playing it by doing your original procrastination?

If that example didn't already confuse you, then I'm sure it's happened to you as well.

Yes, there is a logical fallacy there, because I did define procrastination as 'delaying things... or wasting time', which meant that regardless of what task you're doing, if it's not your original task, then you're still wasting time all the same (so only one level of procrastination). But my theory is that your focus on one particular thing at a time (sorry multi-taskers) counts as a task, whether it is work or procrastination.

Whenever you delay something you are currently focusing on, you are creating another level of procrastination. You also cannot jump between procrastination states, because then you create more levels (messing up the order is so not worth it, you just get lost).

The easiest solution to stop these layers is just to destroy all procrastination layers by doing work, or having something/someone stop you when you get to too many layers.


Phew!

On a lighter note, procrastination is contagious with the right people.

Because if you're going to waste time and have fun, why not share that with people?

Peace to the world (no fly on... grr),

Razor Blayde.


 

School, work,
There are various worlds in each of those lives
And there are definitely good waves as well as bad waves.
But, in the end, how well you ride that wave is what you're able to decide for yourself.

No matter what kind of sadness happens today,
You can make your own HAPPINESS tomorrow.
It makes no difference in the number of tears,

The amount of happiness is up to you.

-Rina Suzuki (Translated courtesy of SCANDAL-Heaven)

I've been thinking. Thoughts have been coming to mind, and trying to bubble their way up to my consciousness. 

Thoughts such as how to get yourself from A to B, how to motivate yourself to get up and improve from where you stand now, all of these 'life-improving' motivational things. 

A lot of these thoughts can be quite absorbing, and often just thinking about how it affects only you can leave you a little worse for wear. The way I see it, most of those thoughts are just beginnings of some positive movement and inspiration to others and yourself.

It'll start as an ember, then gain more and more fuel until it blazes brightly for all those surrounding it to see.

As the quote says above, whether it be inspiration or happiness that you choose to radiate from your life, it's entirely up to you to make it happen, and it all depends on the decisions you make. Not just for today, but for tomorrow as well.


What also comes into play is what sort of person you show to others. Are you the one who will take the time to open the door for complete strangers? Would you shrug off a donation stand because you didn't feel like approaching them? Do you hide your innermost doubts in order to fit in with your circles?

Or do you override all your fears and stand tall for others to take an example of you?

Whatever you choose to be can even be a mix of some of the qualities that were mentioned, or be entirely different after all.


I guess the important thing is that what you show to people is your truth.

It's a difficult word, that 'truth'.


Sometimes we hide it to protect the ones we care about. Sometimes we fear revealing it would alienate ourselves from those we wish to reach out to.
But what it actually stands for should never be hidden from view.

At least, to make things right anyway.


The first part of your truth is the literal meaning, that is the sometimes raw and unadulterated meaning/tone/feelings/messages/facts/expressions of life.

The second part is the values that you live by, and the things that guide you to make your every day choices. 


Now, there may be more parts to this than meets the eye, but for now, I think those two are the major parts. 

Showing your truth can be risky, even frightening. By the way I'm phrasing this, I'm sure it sounds a lot more juvenile than I seem to intend, but the meaning is different, of course. 

Now in the course of Over Thinking, I seem to be the Dean of it (I could probably write a thesis with the amount of thinking that goes on). Therefore, I can definitely recommend that you disregard most of what is unclear in those above paragraphs, because that was probably one thread that might not have needed to be said. 

In any case, "things have changed".

The first semester of University life is ending for me and honestly, I can see a brighter future in the midst. Not just because every day and everyone inspires me that what I can do isn't so scary any more, but because I'm thinking a little more healthy every day as well.

It feels like a really good thing, and sure, it may have its rocky moments, though I'm confident that I can continue to improve living and appreciating life as it is.

And yo, I'm still going to finish that Left 4 Dead project, don't you worry.

I've been learning to drive, thanks to friends who believe that I can, and definitely should.

And also it's a little far off now, but my birthday will be soon, in around two months.
I sure will get just a bit crazy and silly: I know that for sure.

Feeling on track is great. ^O^

Peace,

Atamarashi.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Maybe I should rephrase that, I wouldn't know what's wrong with me until I find out.

But that is not likely to happen anytime soon.

Venting things like this is definitely a non-constructive and ultimately silly way of trying to figure it out.

Anyway, I should note that there is not really much content available on this post, other than some crazed netizen's ravings that he has done ever since things have started to change (2009 or so).

The first order of business is not to apologise for being absent. I frankly have lost the will to care for keeping this haven updated regularly, due to some untimely, yet positive notion of not giving a crap.
Ooh! He said a bad word on his blog!

No, fear not. I just realised how much I literally do not care about certain things. Or that I should stop needlessly caring about certain things.

It's sort of working out that I've been caring less about worry-inducing things, but at the same time, I am tending to spend that time that's been gained back, exploring and procrastinating on the net at extensive length.

Even now, when I should actually be asleep, I'm still on the net. At least I'm not gaming as much, but the only things really keeping me up late at night mostly revolve in my head or are pleasantly obvious on my desk.

But that said, I still do care for this blog in a way, just that it's a textual expression, rather than just a tool for getting followers and such. There's no such thing as a commercially driven blog that only seeks more hits and followers and... oh wait.

There probably is, but that's not my point.

I don't know.

That's been the single most frustrating phrase I've been using since every single ordeal has started.
Now, it's not to suddenly influence readers to start 'caring' about whatever spiel I'm apparently pushing, but then again, I wouldn't want to undermine the actual value that this could possess.

I know that news and media sites constantly misuse and misconstrue so many 'dramatic' words into their stories in order to save their jobs and maybe, just maybe, get them a chance to get the hot details on their next story. But in terms of this, I can honestly tell anyone that reads this that I am severely and often painfully honest.

I am aware that I can lie, and there are signs that I can give away that I'm doing so, but my motivation to keep such fabrications up often hides those signs.

That phrase is often a lie. I do often know whatever it is that I'm mentioning, but there is actually times where I do mean it.

By nature, I'm compelled to know, and to learn and to remember. And it is true that I should be able to work it out just by thinking. The problem lies in things outside of my control or thoughtspace.

Concerning a certain relationship issue, I actually have no idea, and right now... I'm a bit lost for words.

My ego says it's no big deal, and it wasn't exactly a surprise that I found out in this way.

I've yet to reflect on how I actually feel about it.

That kind of leads onto why I've been saying that phrase and why I decided out of all times to do another blog post now.

I've been writing all sorts of silly troubles in diaries and I thought for awhile that it was a sane way of expressing some things that have never been uttered in reality. One or several of those were concerning what was to happen for this relationship issue.

I came up with 4 possibilities.

One of which, actually came true, as of an hour ago.

It was the most likely one of course.

That things won't work out, but it would be respectfully said.

How's that for some closure?


Anyway, I hoped that it would have been done in an actual direct way, not through an indirect post that I had just sent out to the interwebs (seems a bit silly that I'm reflecting on it in this way), but I can't really change anything about it now.

I think I'll utter that phrase again before I wrap up this post.

I'll sleep on it without my sleep cycle alarm tonight.

Because the world, and I need to.

Peace to the world and Fly On,

Razor Blayde.

If you haven't been living under a fully furnished, sound and radio wave proof rock in the last 6 months, and you have an interest in simulation racing games, I'm sure you've heard a bit about Project CARS, a new community-funded and developed simulation racing game by Slightly Mad Studios (known for NFS Shift series, GTR2 and GT Legends).

I also know that there's certainly quite a mass of opposing people in the internet who will stop at nothing to sprout negative opinions about the ongoing development of the game. Now, I'm not going to lower myself to their level by attacking them for something that doesn't have any objective ground, but I will mention that they have placed themselves in an awfully large veil of ignorance towards the potential of this project.

If you're new to racing games, or just a casual player, then there's also much you can still do for light enjoyment within Project CARS. Although it's targeted for the more 'simulation' focused players, there's nothing stopping new players grabbing a controller, keyboard or racing wheel and going about their business in a Quick Race, Online Race or other game mode. If scripting and such is available to set up custom race events, I'm sure we'd be seeing a vibrant community of mixed participation/skill levels, with everything from Gymkhana, Touge Battle, Drag Races and much more...

There's also something in it for those who like shiny, impressive and "realistic" visuals. What most people would commonly describe as "stunning graphics", are more so the result of carefully tuned and refined aesthetics that combine with graphics techniques to give you a wonderfully customisable (at this time) and animated experience. If the following means anything to you, I'm sure you'll love it as much as I'm saying that it's one of the most highly featured modern game rendering engine by far:

- DirectX 11 Multi-Threaded Deferred Renderer
- Multiple Dynamic Lights with Variable Shadow Quality
- Full HDR-R with Adjustable Options
- Etc.

There's certainly lots to feature in that department, but that could take an entire day or two to post.

The important thing now is that you check out www.wmdportal.com for all the latest news and announcements on Project CARS.

Feel free to join the forums and even purchase a development toolpack to get involved with helping to develop the most promising community-developed simulation game by far.

Oh, and this totally wasn't an advertisement.

Enjoy!

Razor Blayde, Atamarashi

I promised updates a long while ago, and to be completely frank, I haven't lived up to that.

You might say, 'That's a total surprise! Not."

Au contrare!

[Pardon my ridiculous out of place French impression]

I still think I can make this blog actually active, instead of periodic to whenever I feel like it. It's not the same as a diary, but a web-based way of keeping my digital musings up and running is eternally beneficial nonetheless.

Maybe I can tempt readers back with this tasty morsel of a video I literally just made a few minutes ago?



Hope to see ya again,

Razor Blayde
 

Now I guess there's no way I could know what everyone's doing this year...

(Hint hint, New Year Resolutions)

Though what I do know for sure is that I haven't even made my Resolution either. Not because it's my faux resolution to not make a resolution, or that I've suddenly turned into an all-knowing guru and I no longer need one.

No, the real reason is that I've started to see the pointless nature of "New Year Resolutions", and also that I'm lazy with making them, except for last year.

Now last year was a bit of a hit and a miss with a few different things, probably to do with the start of the HSC journey, booyah. There was my first, then second LAN party, my first time driving manual (eek! Asian drivers!) and much more.

I did miss a few opportunities and ended up almost doubting myself for some of my exams, though I was still pretty pleased with how they turned out (1st in Software Design ftw) with a fair spread of excellent results all around.

But enough about last year, and back to my point: There's some kind of social pressure on people around New Years time to make a Resolution, which often results in the most demotivational and plagiarised mantras known to society. What I can't honestly believe is how anyone could follow such a distant and not to mention, cliched tradition for an entire year.

What I do agree with though, is when people do take the time to create their own motivations personally and without external 'help', so that it stays true with them for that year and actually has some depth to the written or typed words.

The best kind of motivations don't have a time-expiry like New Year Resolutions, even though every year marks the start of a new one. These exceptional ones stay on forever and even help those who make them through some very trialling times!

So the next time you ever make a New Years Resolution if you've made one already for this year, try sitting with yourself, sipping your favourite drink and listening to your most inspirational music: and simply create your true motivation for your life in the future, no matter how insignificant the thing is.

See you next time,

Razor Blayde (or Atamarashi)