One word; utter awesomeness.

Woops, that was two. Oh well.

In any case, yesterday I got back from camp...

Which was totally awesome!

It was such a different set of experiences I will definitely highlight in my life so far.

So many challenges and memories will arise from it.

I've changed alot too; I've gotten presumably happier (mostly because of the few I admire and a new person in my life), of course slightly darkened my tan and become more of the person I want to be.

What was not strange at all was the fact that I did not miss my internet and computer habits one bit. I almost expected not to miss them.

There were several activities that were absolutely awesome; being that of Lost Island (muddy obstacle course [my favourite]), and others...

If you wanted to hear about that new person, I guess I can't say. But I will say that the one special girl I have in my heart, I feel a little more confident, etc... I really enjoy her company though.

I haven't found a proper song to describe what I feel with her...

But I guess Jason Mraz's song "If it kills me" is pretty much a bit of the story.

(Lyrics source = Lyrics Astraweb)

Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now

And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing
Cause you and I
Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and
We get along much better
Than you and your boyfriend

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

Well how long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn't healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all

Baby there's a lot that I miss
In case I'm wrong

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said I would
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again

All I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
I think it might kill me

And all I really want from you is to feel me
It's a feeling inside that keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
It might kill me

Something is telling me there's not a lot I can do; there is anything, but that doesn't necessarily mean I should do those things.

At the second day of the three day camp, I saw and found the most picturesque scene or landscape in my life. There was an early sunset basking the lake and trees in a beautiful display of natural light with an incredibly lavish ambiance.

I just felt so compelled to take someone I cared about there....

In any case, I'll diverge into full details about the camp at a later stage.

Peace out and Fly On,

Razor Blayde

This wasn't really what I intended to blog about today.

I was going to post about this television series I had recently started watching fanatically.

And about how I came about something new, something different.

I've got a few things on my mind lately, probably due to my playlist of Yellowcard, Oasis, Jason Mraz, MGMT, Rise Against, et al...


It's a lot of things I haven't considered...

Maturing lately has brought negativity and positivity to my life. A new persona is not necessarily bad, however it can make the people that care about me the most consider that they want the old "me" back.

Negativity, because of the strange new ways I think of things now, the stranger yet approaches I have to things and that gnawing feeling that's taken residence in me.

Positivity, because of how I feel towards a certain girl, because of my new-ish outlook I have to some things and my suddenly broadened interests, discussions, etc.


Again, there are the events, (that I seem to associate to songs on my playlist), that are surely new life experiences to myself, that need reflecting on.

The summer is coming on, regardless of how much I express dislike for the season, wishing it were winter times, and needless to say, I am slowly warming up to it, (excuse the pun).


Peace to the world and Fly on,

Razor Blayde

I don't like it how so many people think games to be associated with consoles
Don't people know what those games were developed on?

PC?

People may think it is easier to have a console with "HD graphics", sound and all that with a TV and their 'trusty' console. They also may think that while the same is also possible for the PC, that it is impractical.

However this is not the case, as one, it is definitely not impractical. (I'm not gonna bother explaining).

And second, they are not exactly 'HD Graphics' either.

HD is a term coined up by companies to fool customers into thinking that they are buying something with a premium.
Do you see what resolutions these televisions run? Sure the most being: 1920x1080
But with massive wastes with such a large DPI even on 60" or 70" LCD/Plasmas.

And also, those PS3 and 360 are infact just upscaling their content to fit that resolution.
The most of the content that is said to be "1080p" (1920x1080 Progressive Scan) is really just "720p" (1???x720 Progressive Scan) upscaled. If you compare my decently good, yet still underpowered (compared to high spec offerings of today) Nvidia Geforce 7800 GTX 512 to the PS3, it's actually pretty much the same as the PS3's RSX chip also from Nvidia.

They are of the same G70 architecture, yet different clocks, quantity of intergrated RAMDAC, width of memory bus, and etc.
Yet how does the PS3 manage to run all (read: Most) of its games soo smoothly and to fit 1920x1080 resolutions?
Well apart from the difference of the beast of the PS3's CPU (Cell 8 PU (7 SPE + 1 PPE)) and my lil Intel Pentium D 805, it's the sheer optimisation of MOST of the games made for the console.

See, when making games for the console, developers know that there is a standard of hardware they can take advantage of. They can utilise only 6 cores of the Cell CPU, (with its puny 256MB shared system RAM) and the RSX graphics chip all efficently because of this. Yet in all PS3's they know this is going to work, and work well.

A lot of publishers find masses of money from making games for consoles. 'Cause of the sheer audience that have consoles, (I even have consoles, so I'm not THAT biased), they can reach in and reap rewards.
No matter how dumbed down the controls and content may be for the consoles, and also how lame the whole package is, (you can't even mod it to make it better or solve bugs), people will still buy it. And you can even sell it back to where you got it if you didn't like it.

If I got a team of a few dozen people and made an awesome game for PC, and no one really noticed, and decided to make a degraded port for the consoles;
Guess who would buy it?

Absolutely everyone.

I'm not kidding.

It's also not like PC's are without their history of poorly made games.
Take a look at the Wikipedia page of: Big Rigs: Off/On Road Racing.

Look how much negative reviews it got.

It was:
*Underdeveloped (had heaps of bugs, strange behaviours, suspicious areas that suggest the people responsible for making that simply said 'Stuff this, let's go get high' and masses of typoes).
*Underpublished (Incorrect information on the packaging, suggesting a "Journey across 1000 mile roads carrying illegal cargo while evading the cops", with no cops, immobile opponents and no mention of any 1000 mile roads ingame).
*Just a huge pile of junk generally.

Ingame, you could drive on a shoddily made environment and track, with slow moving civilian cars, with about 5 variations of tracks.

With your "Racing" Rig.

Your opponent never moved at all from their starting position.

If you came at all to an obstacle, (say a fence or building or car or boudary), that didn't affect your truck at all. Simply drive through it and come out unscathed. Also, you accelerated to speeds over 2000 mph, a feat quite unbelievable, especially in a TRUCK.

Reversing gave you the same unlimited speeds as well.

If you turned, it took about 5-10 seconds for the truck to stop turning.
If you met a slope, say a 90 degree one, that didn't affect your truck either.

With all those crazy (lack of) physics, you'd think you'd have brakes just like any normal vehicle.

Well, not really how you'd expect...

If you let go of the accelerator, you just stopped.
Whatever speed you were going at, you just stopped.


The last track of the game was bugged, so it crashed your game when you tried to race it.
And when you finished the game, A three handled, badly made model of a trophy appeared with the words:

"YOU'RE WINNER!"

Eventually the game's developer released a patch.

But that didn't solve anything.
Sure, it made the opponent move [at 10 mph compared to whatever crazy speed you were at], sure the game now said "You win!", but how can you polish a game that was originally poor at best to begin with?

/rant

Fly On,

Razor Blayde

(p.s. That was more or less pasted from a conversation with a good friend. It was slightly edited.)

A hello to my faithful readers...

Wherever you may be, I have a question for you...

Would you think you need help? As in psychological help?

If answering yes, then you're already on the way to solving it. If no, then I can't help you. You're beyond help.

I'm one of many, changing so much.

Yes, I know I've changed, but that is necessary.

If you have been reading my blog from the start, you'd know how I am, how I like certain topics, certain things about people (niceness, etc)...

I feel much, I think much and I... do so much. Even if it is of my accord, I reckon there is more to it.

It being my state of mind. I'm not psychotic, nor a little sick in the head. I'm apparently normal, just going through an exacerbated period of change.

I like to roam around in my mind, delving into it, finding more capabilities, astounding myself with what I can achieve and create.

If it matters, I'm going back to actual topics, not just about my emotional, psychological and physical state...

Decisions

I've decided I'm going to do a series of projects, just to keep my mind occupied.

Ones in TM, etc...

Before I go...

I've been listening recently to a Malaysian singer called Zee Avi. Although being only 23, she's already a star, with a wonderfully soft voice she is gifted with. She has a Youtube Channel:

www.youtube.com/user/kokoKaina

Fly On,

Razor Blayde